“I like people too much or not at all – I’ve got to go down deep, to fall into people, to really know them.”
Gameface. Everyday, all day in order to survive. It’s the way we live now, lost in a sea of highlighted events filtered and cropped to our liking. Values gauged by the push of a button are constantly thrown in our faces and modern dating has been downgraded to a swipe and emoji. Everyone wants everything with no repercussions. Commitment is definitely hard to find because it truly is incredibly hard to commit. Everyday we’re faced with a cocktail all these poisons, whether it be a partner, friend, work associate or casual associate. Everyone has a role in this comedy and tragedy. There was a time when emotion was a go to for me. Maybe it was sheer stupidity and immaturity, or perhaps it was an addiction to the hope that kept emotion at the forefront. I’m also not exclusively talking about love, I’m talking about all emotion. That hope for your dream job, heated debate with your best friend, “the band is gunna make it man” and that oh so apparent emotional bubbling when your parents try to mandate some kind of rules on you. Jeez ma, didn’t know know I WANTED to grow up a savage? Emotional, all of it.
And yet as I get older I see emotion take a backseat. Everyday I battle how invested in anything I should be at this point because loving lightly is not my style. I started wondering if maybe my callous in life had made me so numb that emotions weren’t worth the investment for me anymore. Then I got sad thinking about how shitty it is to not to feel emotion. Like seriously, what the fuck is the point of being alive? Not saying that overly expressing your emotions irresponsibly is the way to go but what has happened to our culture?! We’ve built an entire commerce infrastructure based on emotion. We appeal to emotions to evoke action in almost every area of life yet it’s frowned upon when someone gets emotional. What a confusing war.
Emotion is why people going through breakups experience so much transition. It’s a burst of emotional revelation, a purging of your investment. I often see people make incredible changes they should have made years ago after a breakup and think “why wait until then?!” Emotion is currency, an investment. Although I’m living in a culture where emotion is frowned upon, I refuse to abandon it. You need to actively remember why we’re here and put it on the line sometimes because without emotion, nothing gets done. Believe me, communicating real emotion has never come easy to me, which is probably why my preferred method of expression is writing and songwriting. Free reign to be emotional and write it off as artistic, not crazy. I’m a super tough broad but when I feel emotion for something, it cracks the facade. Pride makes it difficult for me to find that balance, especially after experiencing so many let downs. Everyday is a checks and balances of how much we want to dive into that investment, that emotional revelation.
Emotion is fun, it makes us feel fucking alive. In a time where everyone is so intent on self gratification and saving face, crazy emotional still seems worth the real investment to me.