If I were ever in some kind of weird hostage and/or deserted island situation where I had the option to only listen to one band for the rest of eternity, without question, that band would be Tool. I could listen to the first track of Opiate all the way up to the last track of 10,000 Days over and over and over again and never get bored, tired, or sick of as much as a single note. The only difficulty I would face in this choice is if I had to isolate one album as superior to the rest; I simply cannot pick one lone song, let alone one album, that stands above the rest. The deep complexity that goes behind each and every one of Tool’s pieces is just so deeply masterful that I still feel the same intense spiritual reaction listening to the band now as I did in the 7th grade.
The problem with loving Tool so much is that I feel like I’m in a dishonest relationship that I can’t escape. Here I am, impatiently awaiting new ANYTHING from the Tool camp, and instead, my hopes and expectations are just being met with lie after lie. For the past several years, Tool’s all like “Oh, hay, guyz, our new album is coming along great” and then they’re all “lol just jk tho.” I’m also still convinced that when the band issued a statement claiming that writing was being delayed because half the band was injured in a vespa accident was also just another bogus rumor. Which, by the way, that was over two years ago, and there are still no new/real updates on this freakin’ album other than “we’re working on it.” But like, are you really though?
Why can’t Tool just go straight Beyonce on us all and release a secret album in the night? I mean, okay, obviously they’re nothing like Beyonce because they’re actual artists and not manufactured pop sensations, but still, I wouldn’t be mad if I woke up one morning and the internet was all “Surprise! Here’s a new Tool album.” And in all fairness, this doesn’t seem far off from something they would do. It’d be nice if that happened, like, tonight. Oh, or on Record Store Day 2015! That’s reasonable, right? I’m spitting out great ideas here. Someone should tell Maynard.
My overly dramatic whining aside, I do respect Tool as both musicians AND artists. I realize that the kind of music they make isn’t something that can be achieved in a condensed period of time. I would prefer Tool to take 10,000 days to make quality music than have them release some rushed, sub-par piece of shit. Could you imagine if Tool put out a bad album? What if they didn’t put out anymore music ever again? I guess life will go on, but what kind of life would that really be? I don’t even know how I would handle either of the aforementioned situations. What would I even do? Drugs, probably. Lots of drugs.
In the end, I guess it isn’t so bad that the Tool album hasn’t come together yet. I just wish they’d stop fibbing though. Is that so much to ask?