I’d Still Hit It: Fred Durst

[Editors note: Stoked to have Denise on-board our team of outspoken women. I’ve known her for a long time – she’s a babe with impeccable taste in music, media, sports and humor. She’s graciously brought this new series to BoxxTalk which we will all be contributing to because you know, these things are important…the clams abide. – @zeenakoda]

Once upon a time...
Once upon a time…

Let’s all be real with ourselves for a second: at one point in our life, we’ve owned a Limp Bizkit album. Personally, I owned Three Dollar Bill Y’all$ and I am okay with that. When Limp Bizkit first came into the mainstream world, I was in middle school and it was unlike anything I was listening to at the time. Their cover of Faith (originally by George Michael) seemed genius to my seventh grade self (AKA I was an idiot). It was weird and I was into it.


This article isn’t about owning Limp Bizkit albums though. It is about the fact that after all these years, I still find Fred Durst oddly attractive. I use the word oddly because I don’t understand it. I don’t WANT to like this man, but I just can’t help thinking “I’d still hit it” when I see his current photos. He has this thuggish charm about him that still seems to linger even at 44 years old.

Let’s go ahead and get this off my chest: I used to write Mr. Durst haikus on Twitter and he would sometimes reply or DM me with a “whoa whoa whoa” response (or something of that nature). The poems often mentioned showing him my boobs, wanting to bone and definitely usually mentioned his red hat. I only wish I had saved said poems for such an occasion. I no longer follow him on Twitter out of sheer shame.

I saw Limp Bizkit at some metal festival in San Bernardino a few years ago, and it’s sort of when this re-obsession started. I began to Google him and see what he was up to, and what I found was not what I expected at all. The man has become a director and filmmaker with credits such as this profound eHarmony commercial, see the cinematic glory below.

A career switch to film was probably one of the last things I expected Durst to do, but it looks like he is still active with music as well. I won’t be buying any of the new Limp Bizkit albums, or anything else he does most likely, but you know what? I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.


– Denise Borders / @Punkworldviews
Check Denise out on http://punkworldviews.com/


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Litterboxx Podcast: Episode 6

Man, if anyone told me how much blood, sweat and tears went into managing and site and creating/hosting a podcast before now I would have never believed them. IT’S A LOT OF DEDICATION MY FRIEND. We have a mission and we will complete it – super proud to bring you the new and improved Litterboxx podcast! Episode 6 is a precursor to the improvements The Litterboxx will be undergoing in 2015. Bigger and better, just how we like our . . .


For this episode we party down with the full group of clams and a male guest. Forewarning…we’d been drinking for some time so things get candid and a bit raw. Isn’t that the best way to have a conversation? NO FUCKS GIVEN. Pardon the slurs, we’ll clean up our act in 2015.

Listen in as we entertainingly discuss watching Motley Crue, the merits/horrors of Lena Dunham and the Girls franchise, men “experiencing” lesbians, getting older and loads of debauchery in-between. Many, many thanks to my homeboy Troyquan for producing some of the ill audio you are hearing in the cast and Tracy G from Sway In The Morning who lent her vocal talents.

Follow both of them here:

Download this cast via iTunes and Stitcher too + get on the BoxxTalk social flow:

– @zeenakoda

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In Defense: Leave Dr. Matt Taylor Alone

In case you might have missed it (and believe me, many did because they were distracted by a big, fake, photoshopped ass, but we’ll get to that later), the European Space Agency landed a FUCKING PROBE ON THE SURFACE OF A FUCKING COMET. If you’re thinking, “Pffft big deal,” then please silently go fuck yourself while I explain to you why this is, in fact, a huge deal.

Comet 67P.
Comet 67P.

For the past decade, the ESA have been navigating Rosetta, the craft carrying the probe Philae, throughout our universe for a total of about four billion miles. With most of the world watching from the comfort of their homes, the ESA successfully launched and landed Philae on Comet 67P. This is a groundbreaking milestone for the discovery of our solar system because the probe will now travel freely throughout our universe on the same course of the comet while collecting pictures and other such data to later be analyzed back on our tiny little earth. Imagine how many questions about our solar system, galaxy, and universe that might one day be answered through the journey of Philae!

Philae's initial touchdown on the comet.  So breathtaking.
Philae’s initial touchdown on the comet. So breathtaking.

As a mere observer, watching the landing of this craft onto the comet surface was breathtakingly emotional. I can’t even begin to imagine the joy, pride, and excitement of those who have been involved with this mission since the inception. This is a magical moment and should be celebrated by all, but of course, there have to be a bunch of Negative Nancies trolling the web who are not only unfairly berating a man who is a hero in the name of science, but they are also besmirching the name of “feminism” because they have a problem with a fucking T-shirt worn by Matt Taylor, one of the masters behind this mission.

Dr. Matt Taylor and the shirt in question.
Dr. Matt Taylor and the shirt in question.

Apparently, while being interviewed about the mission, Matt Taylor opted to wear a colorful (tacky) button down shirt that featured renderings of hot, semi naked, blonde women all over it. Albeit a bit tacky, I find nothing offensive about this man’s shirt, but of course, there are some “feminists” out there who are apparently repulsed by this harmless clothing choice and have so aggressively spoken out about it that they reduced the poor man to tears during an interview where he should have been celebrating this wonderful success.

I am really sick of these hyper-sensitive “activists” nitpicking over every little thing and trying to find some kind of hidden, cruel agenda in everything. The man wore a shirt that portrayed women in a sexy way. That doesn’t automatically make him a misogynistic pig. This man just made a huge accomplishment in his career. I highly doubt he woke up that morning and thought to himself “Hmm… how can I objectify women?” It’s a fun shirt and maybe it’s a little tasteless, but in no way is it harmful. Seriously, I am getting so sick of these self-proclaimed feminists who have no concept of “equality” and simply just hate men. As I identify as a feminist, it’s embarrassing to see females portraying themselves so carelessly for a cause that they are tarnishing with their convoluted agenda. Not all men are evil. Matt Taylor’s brilliant legacy now might be tainted because a bunch of pesky man haters had to get all pissy on the internet.

You want to be angry at someone? Be angry at Kim Kardashian. Here is a female who has literally contributed nothing to society. She is a gold digging, useless nothing who is “famous” and makes millions of dollars all because she made a sex tape with a Z-List celebrity. She is exemplifying a lifestyle of luxury that isn’t earned, but is taken ungraciously. She is teaching girls that it’s okay to do nothing with your life as long as you get naked and sleep with rich men. She is everything that is wrong with female and celebrity culture, and yet her greased up ass was something that people deemed more important than the fact that science has made a huge leap in the name of discovery.

Matt Taylor might be a minor fashion victim at best, but even then, who cares?! As I mentioned earlier, this man is a HERO. He’s not just a hero for Europe. He’s not just a hero for men. He is a hero for every human here on this earth. So quit your fucking bitching, accept his apology (which I found painful and humiliating to even watch), and deal with the fact that people like naked women, and some women like to be naked. Stop trying to take issue with the most simple and harmless things, you jerks. Speak up about shit that actually matters. Stop vilifying the innocent.

More importantly, Matt Taylor might also be the man of my dreams. I’ve been looking for a big burly bearded man covered in tattoos who listens to Cannibal Corpse and is also a Space Scientist with a sexy accent. Is he single?

Seriously, is he single?
Seriously, is he single?
So dreamy
So dreamy

– @Mercyfulkate


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The Exxxotica Expo: A Tale of Weekend Debauchery

Over the weekend, I had the privilege of going to the Exxxotica Expo in Edison, NJ to check out all of the unsavory goodness. I knew it was going to be raunchy, but since I had never gone before, I really didn’t realize to exactly what degree of raunchiness would occur. Needless to say, I was not disappointed.

First, I would like to say that if you go to one of these events, be mindful of the people you bring. I went with my cousin Athena (whose boyfriend hooked us up with VIP passes) and two of my besties, Jeff and Catherine (aka Jetherine). Although I was definitely missing some of my friends and wish they could have come because I know we would have had a blast, I am THRILLED that this is the crew I rolled with because we were all game for anything. Being with people who are open minded and down for whatever definitely gives you a full and exciting experience. While Jeff had gone to a few of these before, myself, Athena, and Catherine were all virgins. And what a first time it was!

From left to right: Myself, Catherine, Jeff, and Athena.
From left to right: Myself, Catherine, Jeff, and Athena.

When we got there, we were greeted immediately by half naked girls who handed us plastic bags with a card in it that said webcamming can earn you $22,500 A MONTH. No, that wasn’t a typo. That is apparently how much one can make webcamming on a monthly basis. I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore. I won’t even lie, I really considered being like “FUCK THIS I’M DOING PORN,” but I still have hope that maybe I can one day make money with my clothes on. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Luckily, we got there a little late, so it wasn’t crazy crowded and we were able to comfortably navigate around. After debating over which direction we should go, we made the right choice because the first porn star and entrepreneur that we got to meet was none other than JOANA ANGEL. Joana is not only a sexy, empowered, badass woman, but she is also a business module and someone who I so highly respect. We only exchanged “hellos.” Since we arrived late, we wanted to get a better lay of the land so we rushed away and never got any pictures with her. Womp womp.

After the stripper showcase, we found a vendor that was giving away $40 blind boxes filled with sex toys. They guaranteed AT LEAST two vibrating toys with BATTERIES INCLUDED. My cousin and I bought the bags, and she spun a wheel for an extra $10 and got some double sided dildo thing. We didn’t open the gifts until we got to the car, but we both got cock rings and some lube. She got a male stripper tuxedo costume which cracked us both up. She definitely got cooler vibrators than I did. One of mine was pretty basic. Another one was shaped like a Panda and didn’t really make any sense except for discretionary purposes. And one of them was a vibrating sponge for the shower. Except for the sponge, mine were hard plastic and I prefer silicone toys. I was disappointed, but not as disappointed as I was on Sunday morning when I frantically tried to assemble all of them and either the batteries they gave me were all dead or all of the toys were duds. I’ll be sure to get new batteries this week and see what’s up with that. Either way, my lesson has been learned. Better to splurge on good sex toys rather than cheap out on some blind box deal. We started to get hungry, and what did we find? COCK SHAPED CORN DOGS. Not only were these treats ingeniously engineered, but they were actually really tasty. Well done, Exxotica!

Sexual hot dog eating
Sexual hot dog eating

We then went to the stage where there was some kind of stripper showcase and watched all of the hot ladies do pole tricks. This time, we tried taking pictures, but they were doodoo. After we stuffed our faces with dick dogs, we moseyed back over to the stage and watched the legendary Tera Patrick dance. We definitely all were drooling on ourselves for that one. She is such a babe. After we left her showcase, we saw some hot girls in a cage. So, of course, we got into the cage with them and took a bunch of pictures. I mean, how could we not?

The night started ending and a lot of the vendors and stars had wrapped up. We went back to the Burning Angel booth, but Joana and the Angels were already gone. We were looking for something else to do when one of the bouncers who knows my cousin approached us and asked if any of us wanted to get whipped. I gingerly volunteered and followed him to the BDSM corner where this smoking hot, leather clad blonde girl had me bend over a cross.

She asked if I wanted to be paddled or whipped, or, as she also put it, did I want “thodding” or “stringing?” I told her to start with the paddle. She started out smacking me ever so gently and alternating between my left and right ass cheeks with a paddle. I laughed hysterically the entire time. My friend Catherine remarked that I looked like I was having so much fun, and she is totally right! Eventually, people gathered around and watched which just made it even more hilarious in my mind. I told her to use all of the gadgets on me, so she smacked my ass with a plethora of things. Then, this big dude who looked like Santa came out and started whipping me. I won’t lie, that shit HURT, and since we were short on time, I figured that was my cue to leave soon.

Way too excited for my "whipping."
Way too excited for my “whipping.”
Babes in a cage

This was hilarious since Catherine is actually a nurse!  If only her uniform looked like that!!! This was hilarious since Catherine is actually a nurse! If only her uniform looked like that!!!

By that time, we realized we didn’t get any pictures with any of the porn stars, so we just went around taking pictures with the only girls who were still there at their booths that didn’t look like they were packing up. Unfortunately, it was late. Like, it was literally closing in just minutes, so we only met these two ladies, but they were both super hot and way cool.

We weren’t ready to call it a night, so the four of us decided to hit the nearest strip club. We decided on Bourbon Street since it was right down the road. As luck would have it, they were also hosting a Ladies Night so we didn’t have to pay a door charge and we got a free round or two of drinks. I think they might have even let Jeff slide since he was the token man in our clam clan. The strip club was, well, a strip club. We gave a lot of dollars to a lot of girls, saw lots of great asses, and decided we all have a thing for strippers wearing glasses.

So wrong, but so good.
On the way out, Jetherine and I couldn’t resist snapping this oh-so-unsavory photo in the beds near the door. This makes me laugh. So wrong, but so good.

All in all, it was a great night. There was some weirdness that occurred with one of the showcase strippers at the Expo, but I decided that it’s not worth talking about in great detail since there are some people out there who desperately want me to notice them and will do anything they can just to get my attention and to be a part of my life, even if it means having a psychotic breakdown on my Instagram because I didn’t care to talk to said people. It pains me to even acknowledge it here, so all I will say is that if you want to become a successful person, then by all means, please go out and gain it for yourself. Do not try to wedge yourself into my circle so that you can piggyback off of mine. I worked hard for this shit. And if I don’t like you, then there is a reason for that. Just accept it and move on from it. There’s no need to embarrass yourself over it. The people I care about are in my life. The people I don’t care about are not. It’s plain and simple and really, more people should grasp this concept.

Also, there are literally millions of generic insults out there that you can throw my way that make more sense than “ugly.” Seriously, no one is gonna buy that.

– @mercyfulkate

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Ear crush: Snoh Aalegra x Killa Mike “Bad Things” Remix


Take one look at this woman, she’s fucking strikingly gorgeous. Like, re-think my life and sexuality knockout hot.

Snoh presents smooth tunes close to a dynamic mix of Amy Winehouse meets Portishead. Unlike many of her sultry sullen counterparts (Lana Lana, god bless her waif vacant soul), Snoh has the charisma and talent to fortify her beauty and draw a wide variety of listeners in. “Bad Things” makes me want to get pregnant by some deadbeat, hot Hispanic tattooed man…playing an acoustic guitar of course. Hey, a girl needs a dream.

Listen to Snoh’s first single “Bad Things” featuring the ever so precious Killa Mike, who recently dropped a new album with his El-P coupled project, Run The Jewels. Snoh’s debut EP “There Will Be Sunshine” will drop via iTunes on 11/17.

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A busy gals shortcut to keeping (somewhat) in shape

A more portly Zeena in 2009
Not one day passes where a friend of mine doesn’t say “I wish I had more time to workout, but I just can’t find the time.” I get it as someone who literally works 12 hours a day most days, but it is bullshit. Pure excuse-filled bullshit. No one HAS the time to workout, we MAKE the time to workout.

It took me 28 years to truly embrace the power of taking care of your body. When I was younger, I always made it a point to go to the gym when I could but never pushed myself out of my comfort zone. In fact, the minute a workout got too intense, it would immediately turn me off to continuing the program. Looking back I realize it was insecurity in me, that feeling of “I’m not an athletic person, I could never pull this off.” If I was tired at 21, it was a slim indication of how stressful and event filled life would be at almost 31. Time is a joke and if it’s not one thing, it’s another. I can only imagine how difficult it becomes after you have a kid. Finding even an hour of down time to think about your health and body seems almost impossible factoring in children and work in tandem. God bless the ladies who bounce back quickly after child birth, you have my utmost lady respect.

A few years ago a guy I used to work with re-surfaced a whole new man and noticeably skinner and fit. When I asked him what the secret was he told me “I put working out in my schedule and don’t budge unless it is a total emergency.” When he listed off various examples it really hit me that for some time I had used small distractions as a cop out for really maximizing my workouts and time. Once I began Crossfit, I truly realized that in an hour to an hour and a half even 2-3 times a week, you CAN change your body. I found that even at my most stressed when I push myself to workout, I feel 100% better after. Nothing makes you FEEL better than looking your best and everyone’s “best” can be gauged differently. I know it’s cliche, but it is a lifestyle change – one that requires a little sacrifice for a big gain. 3 hours a week for a better present and future is a small price to pay.

Unfortunately a few months ago I inadvertently broke my foot which took me down HARD. The prospect of not working out really killed me inside because it took me 2 years to really identify and connect with the importance of health. What it did force me to do post recovery, was shift and modify my workouts to keep myself active and toned. What I learned is the the importance of the following moves. Think of it this way – if you can fit in an hour for TV every few days, replace with with any variety of repetitions of the following exercises and BOOM there’s your exercise for the week. It will be the best swap of your life I promise! Here are some things you can do for an hour which if done 2-3 days a week, will help to re-sculpt your body and mind.


I cannot stress the importance of these thangs, especially as a woman. Have no booty or a jiggly derriere? A month of squats will remedy that and show you what an ass should look like. I like to rock these in 3-4 rounds of 15 reps. This way, you can dive into the motion, perfect it, rest a bit and go back in to retain it. A good guide can be found through YouTube but I always this of it this way: Pop it like it’s hot, balance on the heels and keep that chest up.


When I started Crossfit, I could not understand why anyone would put themselves through this kind of torture. A few reps in most people get that dreaded puke feeling and I can’t lie the first time…it sucks. Now, I ADORE that feeling and can’t stop until I feel it bubbling up. When you see how quickly burpees can kill out your cardio in less time than running a mile, you understand why people go through the pain. Don’t forget to make it all the way down and take your time to avoid injury, you don’t need to be anyone’s hero but your own. I like to rock a set of 10, split up into 4-5 rounds.

Jump Roping

This ain’t a double dutch battle, this is some unbridled cardio training. Easiest motion that you can do at your own pace. The best way to jump in (har har har) is to split it up into 3-4 rounds of 100. You can alternate between this and a short run to make the cardio in your workout a little more exciting each time. You don’t have to be Rocky, just keep it moving!

Short Run Intervals
I used to think long runs were key and I honestly cannot pull off long runs effectively. If you have the same challenges, a great way to approach incorporating running into your workout is to work with shorter sprints and quick runs. Do a lap around the block then come back to squats and burpees. Each time you can give yourself more incentive to do longer but you will be able top keep interest because you’re not burning out so fast. When you feel like you want to give in and walk, give it 15 seconds more. That 15 turns to 30, 30 to 45. Small triumphs! Sneak these in when you can and I promise you it will get easier each time.

V Ups

I was born with a stomach that was definitely NOT the skinniest part of my body. In fact, I have the hardest time losing weight from my midsection. I’ve tried every type of crunch out there and V Ups shred me every time. Focus on hitting your core and not letting your legs down and you’ll be feeling the burn. Hit 15-20 reps of these about 3-4 rounds and you’ll see a real difference.


Weights are you friends
Using weights has always terrified me, until I picked up a bar and realized it was no big deal. I can’t lie and say I am an expert here but if you can find a trainer to assist you one-on-one DO NOT BE SCARED OF WEIGHTS. They will do more for you in less time and sculpt you in a way you didn’t know possible. You don’t need to over do it but make it a point to learn at some point the correct way to approach weights, there is nothing better.


You are what you eat!

Hopefully for all my female friends reading this, this condition pertains to a man strapping on the bib. Box is calorie free! But for real, there’s a reason why supermodels and pro athletes aren’t eating nachos for breakfast. Your diet is everything and each person knows what makes them feel great and what foods make them feel like trash. We all have out challenges, especially as a woman during “special times” of the month. During this time food seems to be the only cure and myself, like many of my other female counterparts, devour piles of fries, cakes and chocolates. The body wants what it wants. The key to all this shit is moderation and as cliche as it sounds, you will immediately see results if you exercise that principle. Portion control is huge too, try to eat less at every meal. Even if you decrease your intake by 1/4 it will make a difference.

Stop making excuses for yourself and take baby steps. If I can do it as a woman of debauchery who loves excess, YOU CAN TOO :)

Me, at my peak physical shape!


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Litterboxx Podcast: Episode 5


We’ve been busy listening to rock music, sewing perfect Halloween costumes, creepin at ComiCon and finding that perfect fall babe to keep us warm at night. Luckily for us and you, we have loads of great stories to talk about! In episode 5 we talk about what has conspired over the last few weeks. Between monumental sexual triumphs, ComiCon and the High Times Anniversary party, amazing shows we saw from King Diamond and Suicide Silence, to such classy questions as “is an asshole nude shot necessary?” – we go in and we go hard. We also address some proper lady shit like aggressively insecure women, keeping up your grooming up and other hilarious tidbits.

Excited to finally be on iTunes and Stitcher, listen to us there and subscribe!

We’re also on all social networks so give us a like + follow:

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My bitch is my money, money is my bitch


When you’re a kid, possibilities seem endless. You can travel the world, work the coolest jobs and live in dopest spot all with seemingly endless financial resources. I’ll be transparent – this dream always seemed far fetched to me since I grew up in a very humble home. My mom was a single parent and almost everything I have I have worked for myself. I can remember hitting 12 and being stoked that I could babysit for cash. Eventually I got to high school and worked my way through school. Junior year I worked 3 part time jobs, in addition to going to school full time and making honor roll, to save up for a car. That immigrant ambition was strong with me. Throughout college I struggled to work full time, plot out a career, make enough money to pay for school and be in a band. It’s amazing how much raw, determined energy you have in your youth. Energy is endless and money just seems like fuel to the fire of fun, nothing to serious but you’re accustomed to being blissfully broke. Some people I knew grew up rich and had this endless stream of loot coming in, giving them the ability to do as they pleased. I never knew that luxury and there isn’t one day that passes that I don’t think about what my life would have been like had I grown up rich. I worked those 3 jobs in high school to pay for my shitty ass first car, which at the time, seemed like the biggest investment on Earth. As crappy as it was, I prided on the fact that it was paid for with money I earned from my blood, sweat and tears (and very little sleep). As they say, people from money make money. This is probably due to the fact that they don’t have to break their back for every single thing like the rest of us. Can’t you tell, I’m not bitter. Not at all…

Money is everyone’s dirty little secret. I’ve seen it destroy lives, trust, friendships and even families. It’s ironic that the more you make, the more you “need.” This year I lost a job and a huge chunk of my income. Within that time, I also decided to move to Brooklyn which in comparison to Jersey City was a 1/3rd more in rent. So many expenses, so little time, energy and resources to balance it out. Now, everyone falls on hard times and you either prep the noose or put it all into perspective. I chose to take this as incentive to find other ways to make extra loot. It also made me realize how little I saved away when I was making a ton of cash. Someone recently asked me what my biggest regret of my 20’s was and without a doubt it was mismanaging my money. I could have saved a small fortune and instead I spent it on booze, good times (few of which I regret by the way), clothes that I never wore or have already thrown out, food I could have cooked and a plethora of other unnecessary vices. At almost 31, it burns me to think about my irresponsibility in that area. But then again, who would I have fell back on for money? My family is not rich, my career has unpredictable pay and my pride is way too high to ask anyone for money. This isn’t just my story, this is the story of many working class folks I have had the pleasure of working with over the years. We grind, we don’t complain and we have too much pride to not take financial freedom seriously.

It never once crossed my mind to have my parents exclusively pay for anything in my life without payback. Not to say people who have that ability are wrong or weak, but there is something to be said about learning how to stand on your own. My parents have always been willing to financially help me when I’m in need but it’s an extreme occasion that I will even ask for help. Times can get hard fast. People get sick, accidents happen, breakups occur and your financial well being can be compromised in a minute. It snuck up so hard on me in my early 20’s when I was living way beyond my means in order to be independent. My pride accelerated the need to be financially autonomous and it got me into some big trouble. Things got so bad that eventually I went bankrupt. Yep, chapter 11 at 23. Here I am 8 years later and it’s almost mind blowing that I’ve lived without a credit for so long but it’s a better world without it. I’ve finally decided to get a card again to rebuild because in America, you’re nothing without credit. The promise of potential money is too great and the gains for others too imminent. Either way having more money, utilizing it correctly and thinking about the future can prevent you a lot of pain years later. Now, all I need to do is marry rich and I’ll be set for life :)

– @zeenakoda

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Welcome to the Friend Zone

This is probably the corniest meme ever.

I never thought at 30, approaching 31, it would be possible to end up in the friend zone with someone who wasn’t a biz associate, fellow musician or currently married member of the opposite sex. As someone who has worked with men throughout my career, been in several bands with a wide variety of dudes and had many male buddies over the years – I know the TRUE friend zone. The funny thing about the force field that is the friend zone is you usually can sniff it out immediately. For most women one hangout can lead us to the conclusion, but every now and then one sneaks in to confuse. It’s not always physical attraction that seals the deal, or even common goals and interests. Sometimes, it boils down to two people who enjoy each others company, catching each other at the right time. I went through a situation where there was a such a strong spiritual connection with a friend of the opposite sex, that it became romantic to me over time. The romance never blossomed to much more but until this day it remains one of the realest feelings I’ve had for another in my adult life sans sex. It constantly fucks with me inside because that connection is almost irreplaceable through adult eyes. The dissolution of that dream murdered me inside. That was the moment it clicked to me inside that a working relationship, one based off of a strong affinity and friendship, was my dream companion in my adult life. Passion is great but without a backbone it fizzles hard. Can’t laugh at my jokes (which there are many of) – I can’t get down with it. Laughter and friendship are strong aphrodisiacs, without that you’re just another hot dick to me and the devil knows, I’ve seen some of the hottest out there.

Ironically, I’m learning as I get older my definition of friend and romantic partner gets muddier and muddier. I used to ride hard on the idea of “love” and falling in love. That intoxicating feeling of wanting someone who equally wants you back. I’ve written many a song about love and the extreme pain I felt from losing it and each time I’ve meant it with all my heart. Yesterday I saw a Tweet from Amber Rose (Wiz Khalifa’s soon to be ex-wife if you didn’t already know…and babe of the century) that literally broke my heart. Check it out:


Emo, yes. But let’s be real, we’ve all felt this way and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I haven’t woken up some days after a breakup or fallout wanting to hang myself from a shower rod. I imagine adding a kid into that equation and literally my heart hurts FOR HER. Life is hard, really fucking hard. No amount of “love” can make up for a dysfunctional family situation. When kids are involved your actions reach far beyond YOU, it becomes an US. Love, the feeling and loss, can drive you to madness. It’s ironic that one of the most important things we need in our life can also bring us so far down. That intensity is something that we as humans thrive on but in family and reality, I’m beginning to think it may not be a positive thing. Your love, needs friendship and support and vice versa.

Don’t rule out the friend zone every time, you never know what lane it can take you into for the future.

– @zeenakoda

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