For the last month my life has been consumed with taking care of my best friends wedding. Between the bachelorette party, actual wedding logistics and scrambling to find an acceptable dress that isn’t whore length, there’s a lot to account for. Fold in the fact I’ll be #broke paying it off the next 3 months, it has made me realize that it is a true gauge of how much you really want it. Consolation: she looked beautiful and hasn’t been happier so at least, it wasn’t all in vain. As a non-traditionalist, the cliche wedding execution always perplexed me. Why not have a dinner? Why not eliminate the stress that pomp and circumstance puts on everyone involved? Why not go to an island, elope and spend all the time you were going to bullshit the 10 relatives you didn’t even want to invite, fucking your new life partner. Despite the good times you’re offering your family, what is the ultimate payoff for a full-blown, traditional wedding?
The traditional route is what we as kids were forced to believe was valid. A life that is “fulfilled” could only be validated by kids and marriage in the picturesque way. The older I get the more I realize how much marriage itself is a rouse within a rouse. I’m not talking about companionship and shared goals, but marriage ceremony and concept itself. Call me a byproduct of the divorce generation, but until my 30’s I never even thought twice about how relevant marriage actually was to my life. You see everyone else around you pairing off, sometimes with people that make sense and other times with whatever scraps are left. Life always seemed like too much of an adventure to resign to that kinda commitment so early on. You marry, pop out a few kids in 5 years and sit back and wait for the rest of your life to unfold. Personal ambitions fall to the wayside because you have a human now relying on you. In many ways I view parenthood very seriously, much more seriously than marriage because it’s a task you need to take on wholeheartedly with compassion and understanding like no other. There is no sick day or “I’ll get to it later” because everything you do will impact your child. Even if you have the commitment of another to help you in that journey, there is absolutely no guarantee that they will uphold it. Kids are no fucking joke becuase they’re the physical manifestation of REAL commitment, literally the two people combined.
The most beautiful part of the ideal of marriage is the thought of having a partner. Someone to ride through life’s bullshit with, theoretically someone who will emotionally and physically be there through everything. A person you can laugh with, openly be honest and emotional with and someone who will always put your best interests first. The problem is we’re all human and as much as love can carry two people together, sometimes it can be the same poison that kills them. Personally, I fucking love flaws and I’ll never be someone who looks for perfection in a partner. Somewhere in my fucked up database of psychology it occurred to me that if I can make it with someone under flawed circumstances, they might have the endurance to get through anything. I’ve had “nice guys” walk out on me, bad dudes come through at the most unexpected times and many other situational surprises that make me sympathetic to many situations. Hats off to all my non-traditional types and respect also to those that decide to take the road more traveled. For me, hopeless romanticism is my theoretical marriage.